When do you throw your heart into the mix in your adoption process? At the referral photo? At the court date? When you hold your child for the first time? This is one of the current questions on the RLC website. I am still in the process right now, but thought I'd share my experience so far. In reality, I think that a mother's heart is involved from the minute she begins the application process. Something has already led her heart to take such a huge step. I am not sure if my experience has been different from most others, or if other adopting moms feel the same way, but I have felt myself trying to "withhold" my heart a little bit. Even after seeing the referral photo, I have tried to hold back just a little. I have avoided shopping. I have focused on my other children and tried to stay busy. I have filled out the paperwork like I was just doing a job. I do love Utsab already, even though I have never met him. I have, however, reminded myself constantly that right now he is God's child and not mine. God is a Father to the fatherless. There was no way that we could financially do an adoption, so we told God in the beginning that He had to make this happen. We've said from the beginning that the entire process must be in His hands. That includes the finances, the referral (we told the Lord we would take the first child that He sent our way), and the timing of our paperwork.
I think that I will not be able to really let my heart go, with abandon, until I have Utsab in my arms. Right or wrong, I think this focus has somehow helped me to cope with the emotional roller coaster of adoption, and the agonizing of "the wait," better than I might have. Being reminded in scripture that God loves Utsab already more than I ever could, and that He is in control of all things, is comforting in a process where the adopting parent has almost no control at all.
5 comments:
Wonderful perspective, Candice! I feel similar when I pray for Cole because I know that God is able to be there with him, able to comfort him and protect him when I can't...but with each day we get closer to our babies and in His timing, we will get to do the things for them that He has called us to do as mothers!
Thank you, Candice. I needed to read that. Praying for a quick travel and peace while you wait - Traci G. (#9)
This is a nice perspective. I don't know if I have done such a great job in witholding and that has made it harder. They are definitely God's babies and that is a comforting thing to know.
Thank you for sharing your heart. You have a wonderful perspective. I pray your wait isn't too much longer.
April :-)
Candice,
I don't do a very good job in withholding my heart. I just jump in with both feet risking it all. ;) I'm glad you were able to keep some perspective. I pray the remaining steps go quickly to bring that boy home.
Post a Comment