| Today I finished reading the book, "Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother," by Jana Wolff. Aside from a few choice words, I loved the book. It was very open and honest and reflected some of the very same thoughts that I have begun to experience during this waiting time. I think that adoption education and adoption reading are beneficial, but it has been scary for me as well. I headed into adoption with very rosy glasses on I think...very sure of what we were doing and ready to go. Somewhere along the way, although I am still sure that adoption is God's choice for our family, doubts have crept in. I think it is probably the same for other adopting families. The biggest questions in my mind right now are, "Am I making the right decision to adopt internationally...a child from another race and culture?" And, "Will this choice cause my child problems as he grows up with parents who don't look like him and can't provide him with much of a sense of his culture?" Even as I question in my heart...those secret thoughts...my heart still lies with India. I still believe the Lord has directed us there. He has clearly closed the door to other countries for us and has opened the doors and supplied the needs as we have pursued this path. I once asked a dear friend and adoption advocate at the agency we used for our home study, "How can you know how to choose domestic, foster care, or international adoption without feeling guilty for not being able to do it all?" She told me that God places a specific burden for a specific kind of adoption on families hearts. She said to follow God's leading on my heart. I believe that God has a family in mind for every orphaned child if they would just listen and follow. So...we are following...in spite of the roller coaster of adoption emotion that has so recently become a part of my life. :) |
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
"Secret Thoughts"
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8 comments:
I loved the book, and finally gave myself permission to acknowledge my own doubts. It's still a scary road, dealing with culture, race, etc., but once Max was in my arms, there were no more doubts.
So glad your enjoying the reading.
Kristy
These are my thoughts exactly! I have had some doubts here recently that I never had at the beginning. Will my child resent me? Will they be angry and want to go back to India one day? I think with all this time on my hands my mind begins to wander. I just have to remind myself to focus and then I realize I would be miserable if I made a decision to quit this journey.
Candice, I just left you a note on the Dillon forum, but came here to read your full entry. It is such comfort to know and hear others express concerns that we have had. I echo the above comment (Amy) that any time I doubt our decision it is then validated b/c I know that if I don't follow through I would be out of God's will. Of course, my husband, (who doesn't worry as much) just says --do you think she would be better off in an orphanage or with us? Simply stated, but cuts to the heart of it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this journey. It is an encouragement to me -- Traci G.
I'm going to have to go out and get that book! Thanks for blogging about it and starting up the discussion on the forum. :) To answer your question about RLC - it is founded on the ideas in the same book you mentioned - Red Letters by Tom Davis. I haven't read it yet but it is next on my list. You should consider blogging for RLC! We need to get more of us India families represented. You can go to the website and it tells you how to get set up (redletterscampaign.com).
:) Kristi W.
Hi!
I did already have your blog address, but thanks for giving it to me again on the forum. :o) Sometimes when the cyber-conversations really get going, I can misplace names & families. I'm so happy you're on the list now, and so grateful for the info about this book.
I wonder if a lot of how our kids will deal with racial/heritage/identity questions will depend on how we are about those same questions. (Aside from the fact that they'll all have their own temperaments and outlooks on life!) I am going to try my best not to have a "spirit of fear, but a sound mind" about it . . .
-- Nancy
I have read the book as well prior to bringing Micah home. I read every adoption book I could get in my hands, and after awhile it starts to drive crazy. ;o) The very fact that we will be open with our children, and the fact that we are pursuing these issues makes us different than other adoptive families of the past. Smiply acknowledging the issues and being open with your child will go a long way. For some children, that effort is enough. Remember every child is different, every experience is different. Doubt is a also a normal feeling during this wait. Cling to hope, focus on what you can do to solidify your family while you are waiting. These things will help. I scrapbooked our journey from my very first email to Tami until we got home. It was very helpful to me. As was the support of these wonderful women. You will begin to rely on them more and more as the months pass. It will be the only place you feel sane. ;o) Keep the discussion open and honest....you will be fine!!
Thanks for sharing this book, I will have to read it. Thoughts like that, I think are just normal.I believe that God has opened the door for India for us also and for the child that needs a loving home and family,and it sounds like God has led your family in the right direction also. I also believe that God does have a special family for each child, isn't that wonderful, now all people have to do is listen. Best Wishes The Fenwick Family
I love you, Candi and am praying for you. Any choice to follow God's will comes with sacrifices. It is Satan that wants us to make the easy choice. Can't wait to see you!!!
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